The butterflies have started.
They flitter here and there, creating waves of nervousness that spreads and breeds anxious thoughts and fears. School starts in a week and our house is flittering.
This isn’t our first rodeo.
We did the whole first day of kindergarten last year, complete with the tearful goodbye. However, the anxiety remains, because our first year at school was hard. So very, very hard.
When my oldest started kindergarten, I was prepared for those moments of tears from bullies or worries over school assignments. However, nothing prepared me for visits to the principal or in-school suspensions. It took us awhile to realize something was wrong, and that it wasn’t just nerves from starting school. As it turns out my son has a multitude of behavioral issues ranging from ADHD, ODD to a possible behavioral disorder. No one really knows for sure and we spent half of his first year of kindergarten getting a diagnosis, figuring out meds, completing IEPs and beginning child therapy. It was a rough road. Each day I would dread taking him to school for fear they would call and I’d have to pick him up.
And now on the cusp of a new year, the worry has returned. I’m fearful that when he returns to the school environment it will happen all over again.
There are moments when I think I’ll just quit my job and homeschool him. So he doesn’t have to face the countless demands of school that stretch his anxiety to the breaking point.
However, there are a multitude of reasons why that won’t work…
I’m not smart enough.
And the most important: he must face his fears, and I must face mine.
We can’t live life in a bubble.
Although, I can give him the coping mechanisms he needs to succeed, and I will fight like a lioness to make that happen.
For now, we cherish the days together till school starts. We continue the meds, the therapy, the meetings with teachers, because one day those butterflies will fly free and that first day of school won’t be so scary anymore.