I Became A Mother | A Series of Transformative Moments

I became a mother at 4 a.m., shaking in the bathroom, bare feet cold on the tile, as I read one word instead of two.

I became a mother at Walmart, picking out two tiny onesies, pink and blue, for who knew which we would need?

I became a mother, full of fear and anguish, when an ultrasound told the secret my heart and body did not know.

I became a mother while the man I love, becoming a father, rubbed my back and said few words.

I became a mother: womb empty, heart broken, daring to hope.

I became a mother when the deepest pain and most ecstatic joy could be felt at once.


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I became a mother tentatively, quietly, slowly, guarded.

I became a mother in the waiting, in the hoping, in the dreaming, in the planning.

I became a mother in thirty hours, from laboring and pacing to moaning and desperate.

I became a mother in a hospital, needle in my back, drugs in my veins, forceps cradling the head where hands should be.

I became a mother in the warmth of a tub, heat and pain and power working on the same team.

I became a mother naturally, pacing like a tiger, introspective and determined, bursting with pride for my body’s abilities.

I became a mother, baby on my chest, kissing this head I had always known and breathing deeply in the air of this one moment that would never again be.

 

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I became a mother watching a pair of eyes take in their first sight: me. Mother.

 

I became a mother with the smell of my baby’s head, the touch of round cheeks, the sound of tiny grunts.

 

I became a mother in the long hours between the end of one day and the beginning of the next, fumbling and clumsy, exhausted to the core.

 

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I became a mother as my baby slurped and burped, milk dripping from a faint drowsy smile, thighs chubbier and clothes smaller every day.

I became a mother in the drudgery of washing dishes, changing sheets, folding clothes, sweeping crumbs.

I became a mother in the shut-in days of newborn haze, following the clock of feed, change, sleep, repeat.

I became a mother seeking advice from books, websites, coworkers, my own mother, begging for the answers.

I became a mother seeking advice from my own heart, coaxing the rhyme and reason from a mind muddled by desperation.

 

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I became a mother in the blinding, breathtaking act of sacrifice, offering up any last bits of self for the sake of my child.

 

I became a mother in the vigilant care of another, yearning for their peace, praying for their safety.

 

I became a mother with confidence one moment, fear the next, incomparable love triumphing as my only saving grace.

I became a mother. I’m still becoming a mother. Oh God, may I always be.


There are so many ways to become a mother. Read other stories in our series, “How I Became a Mother.”

How I Became a Mother: My IVF Story

How I Became a Mother: Through Foster Care and Adoption

How I Became a Mother: My VBAC Story

How I Became a Mother: My Induction Story

C-Sections: Again and Again

My Accidental Natural Birth

Brook’s Birth Story: An Ending and a Beginning

How I Became a Mother: A Series of Transformative Events 

First Comes Love | My Non-Traditional Path to Motherhood


 

Lianna
Lianna is a homesteading mama of three: a sparkly seven-year-old daughter, a joyful five-year-old boy, and a confident three-year-old boy. After graduating from the University of Iowa’s college of education, she started Wondergarten Early Enrichment Home, a multi-age, play-based early childhood program. A self-proclaimed Queen Dabbler, she has a long list of hobbies (from gardening and canning to sewing and painting), and doesn’t mind being only mediocre at all of them. She lives with her husband, mother, three kiddos, dog, cat, rabbits, dwarf goats, and chickens on an acreage in the country. The Cornally family spends their time talking about education, learning how to grow and preserve their own food, and romping around in their woods.

10 COMMENTS

    • Thanks, Kristin! Although this post started out as a story about giving birth to a baby, it ended up more about the birth of a mama. Thanks for liking it. 🙂

    • Those two things are pretty high on my list of priorities. 🙂 I feel blessed to have the opportunity to do both. Thanks, Jo!

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