When you’re a parent, there are times when words come out of your mouth that you would have never thought you’d say out loud. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Did I really just say that?” then you might be able to relate to some of these embarrassing questions I’ve asked lately.
Do I smell like pee?
I’ve had to ask this on more than one occasion. Potty training and being in a rush can sometimes collide into either being peed on or picking up a kiddo that had an accident without realizing it. Maybe the smell is just permanently lingering in my nostrils now, but I smell pee all the time and I have no idea where it’s coming from most of the time.
Do you think anyone will notice?
Yep. I had this gorgeous picture of how stylish and handsome my little guy would always be. Well, he’s three now and has a mind of his own. He would happily sport a bright pink dress with a bowtie and rain boots if he dressed himself. He now only has one white shirt and one pair of white pants that I’m hoping will still be white (enough) if I ever get pictures taken. Whether it’s a stain or a fashion faux paus, I’ve had to ask if it’s really that noticeable. I pick my battles–if it’s not going to look completely hideous or filthy, I’m all for letting that go.
Do I have the only kid that hates being read to?
I’m well aware of the advantages of reading to your kiddos, and I’ve tried several times. He cried, pushed away, screamed, and literally ran away from book readings. They were not the idyllic moments I’d been made to believe were natural and healthy. I found that – while rare – other parents do struggle with this. My child is not the only one with a genuine distaste for being read to. Finally at the age of three, he’s coming around to the idea.
I’m so sorry, but do you have a diaper I could possibly have?
Accidents happen. According to Murphy’s Law of Parenthood, they’ll happen just when you are least prepared. I remember one such awful outing where my little dude went through all three pull-ups I brought along (thinking I was over-packing) and I had to ask another mom if she had an extra. Luckily, she did and I think we bonded over my rough outing.
Should I just buy him the shower rod?
During one very special (hint: sarcasm) trip to Target that will forever be ingrained in my mind, my son became very attached to a bathroom shower curtain rod. You read that right. He had the most EPIC meltdown I’d ever seen him have…I think the whole store must’ve heard him. He was adamant that he needed this one specific shower rod. I tried explaining that it wasn’t the right size, so we should get this other one instead, but he would have none of it. He threw himself on the floor, screaming and wailing, kicking, crying…the works. I was totally at a loss since this was a first for me!
My mom was with me and we both had zero ideas short of just buying the freaking rod and moving along. He made sure that rod made it through the checkout line, too. To this day, that shower rod is STILL in our house, securing the patio door shut. If it’s missing or out of place, it will not be a good day for anyone!
What is the craziest question you’ve ever asked as a parent?