Moms, do you see those posts everywhere that remind you that “the days are long but the years are short?” That “you’ll miss it when it’s gone?”
I had lunch with a mom friend the other day, and she said how she was really struggling with the age of her child. She kept saying, “I know I’ll miss it when it’s over, but…”
I interrupted her and said, “It’s ok to not miss it.”
It is OK to NOT miss it! Can you feel the relief from that statement? It has taken me years to get here. It has taken self reflection and a lot of respectful parenting to help me realize that there are some phases in life that we go through that we don’t have to miss when they are over.
Growth comes with opportunity. Learning comes with mistakes. We can enjoy the lesson we learned and not wish to repeat the learning phase. This applies in ALL areas of our life. The same can be true about parenting.
In our house, I absolutely adore the birth to age 5 while my husband loves the elementary years. We both greatly enjoy the tween/teen stage, so we lucked out with that. I haven’t parented an adult yet, so I guess we’ll let you know on that phase! My point, though, is that I don’t miss the elementary years once my children have aged out of them. My husband doesn’t miss the baby years. Sure, we see babies and young children and recall the adorable times. We also recall how exhausting and difficult it was. We don’t MISS that. We remember it and we move on.
Let’s stop shaming moms/parents into soldiering through the difficult times because they’ll miss it when it is over.
Do we say that about any other aspect in life? Not to my knowledge.
I recently started a new job. Learning so much in the beginning was difficult, but no one ever said, “You’ll miss it once you’ve learned it.” How silly is that?! I’ll be thankful I learned it, but I don’t want to be new and learning forever. Learning new things is a great way to keep your brain active and healthy, but we shouldn’t be in constant state of learning. We need time to feel safe and secure. Time to thrive.
In addition, I think the mindset of missing out once you’ve passed a phase leads you to living in fear.
You are unable to enjoy the present because you are constantly thinking of the future with regret of the past. How confusing is that?! When you fully engage in the present moment, happy or hard, you will fully live it. You won’t need to fear missing it because you will have fully embraced it. Not because of fear, but from a place of love. A place of love doesn’t mean you must enjoy it, either. You can love the person without loving the current stage they are in.
Give yourself permission to live in the moment. To ask for help when the moment isn’t as enjoyable to you as it might be to someone else. Lean on your community. Release the fear of what may come or you will squander the moment you have with you. Right now.
Give yourself permission to not miss what you don’t enjoy.