The Year I Didn’t Know if I Would Survive

Did you ever feel you went through a time where you were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted? How long did it last? For me this describes how I spent the last year being 29. At one point, I remember wondering if I would ever see my 30th birthday. Let me tell you about this year–the year I didn’t know if I would survive.

The Year I Didn't Know if I Would Survive


To start from the beginning, I welcomed my 29th birthday in the midst of a brewing extended family drama. While I tried to avoid it as much as possible, it suddenly exploded shortly after my birthday. Arguments were had, things were said, and I was left questioning family relationships.


In the midst of my extended family situation, I was also moving into my immediate family’s new home. Moving definitely took a toll. The worst part of moving for me was unpacking and finding a place for all of our things. It felt like it would never end. I felt like my husband and I were alone, because I didn’t feel I could ask for help from my family with everything else going on.

Along with moving comes trying to remember where you put needed items at the most inopportune times.  I felt like I was a crazy person going through boxes in storage, digging through drawers, or visualizing where I had last seen things.


My husband had not been feeling well since June. Then July was filled with appointments trying to diagnosis his symptoms with blood work, ultrasounds, and a biopsy. I was praying for his diagnosis to not be cancerous. In the end he never got a true diagnosis, which almost felt even worse. I felt alone dealing with my emotions, because the last thing I wanted was to worry him.


I thought for sure I would see the light in 2019 and be able to turn a new leaf. Nope–this last winter put the cherry on top of being 29. I was unable to battle my winter blues with outdoor running, because that was not possible with the weather. Then add in all the school cancellation days, which caused regular structure to go out the window. No exercise and a lack of structure began to take a toll on me physically and mentally. My state of mind went to survival mode and living one day at a time.

The Year I Didn't Know if I Would SurviveWhile I’m slowly navigating the new normal with my extended family, still adjusting to our new home, and balancing my physical activity, I’ve found comfort in this quote:

“This too shall pass.”

Things haven’t been perfect since turning 30, but I can say I’m stronger for the experience. And I’m still here.

What are your go-to quotes to help get you through a slump?


Angelica was raised in West Liberty just a hop, skip, and a jump away from the Iowa City. After getting married to her high school sweetheart and living in the D.C. metro area, they decided it was not where they wanted to raise a family, and moved back to Iowa in 2012. They welcomed their daughter nine months after moving back. Then in 2018 added a yellow lab to their family. Angelica enjoys running, reading, and binge watching shows with her husband. She loves Disney, Reese's, and being a mom.


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