We are in this together.
It’s the phrase I’ve heard 1,000 times. It’s the phrase that supposed to sustain us, to get us through. And it does help, it really does.
But it’s also true that each of us is going through something different within this pandemic. Each of us has our own unique experience.
For me, it’s grieving the normal pregnancy experience. As I write this, I am in my third trimester with baby girl number three. Normally, at this point, I’d feel nothing but pure joy and excitement for what lies ahead.
Not this time.
This time, joy and excitement are replaced with anxiety and sadness. Anxiety for all the unknowns surrounding my upcoming labor and delivery. Protocols and procedures are changing constantly.
While I am so grateful for the protocols put in place to keep all of us safe, my heart breaks for mamas across the globe who had to be separated from their babies. And it’s definitely an experience no one wants to go through — myself included.
My prenatal appointments were something I used to look forward to. Now it’s a just a surreal experience, filled with a mix of emotions that I can’t even begin to describe.
It begins with a phone call the day before my scheduled appointments to check on my current health and to inform me of any changed protocols. When I arrive, I am met at the door by someone wearing a gown, face shield, and mask. My temperature is taken and I am asked about my overall health. The once filled waiting room is now practically empty.
Again, I am so grateful for all of the procedures put in place to keep everyone healthy, but it is a lot to take in. I feel that’s why I have been lacking the motivation to prepare for her arrival. Her dresser is currently empty. My hospital bag is nonexistent. There are no freezer meals prepped.
A name you ask? Nope. This sweet baby girl is currently nameless.
We are scrambling to even create a solid list to work from. It’s not for lack of trying . . . but nothing seems to feel right.
Yet, despite all of the uncertainties, the joy of a new baby shines brighter.
So — what? my appointments feel slightly ominous and I am no where near as prepared as I hoped. I know it will all come together. This little girl is strong, because her Mama is strong. We have to be.
I am bringing her into this world during a pandemic and it’s going to be beautiful.
