I’m in the storage room putting away Halloween decorations, the day after Halloween. While in the room, I’m also debating if I should get the Christmas decor out… Instead, I spot a different, clear bin that I’m ready to declutter. Following the keep/toss/donate logic, I start a donation pile for things no longer used or needed.
I pull the clear bin from off the shelf. When I open the lid, I see my wedding dress and a few other mementos from my wedding day. I’ve been living the post-divorce life for over two years now. I’ve wondered for awhile what to do with this bin. I’ve kept certain sentimental items for my son. But the dress?
I’ve thought about what I could do with it. I could maybe sell it or repurpose it in some way. I no longer wanted to keep it. The sentimental value of it has run its course. I didn’t want to toss it. I loved wearing this dress and still love this dress. This dress was “the one” after trying on several other dresses.
I decided to donate it.
I gently lay the dress down by the other items to donate. And then, I start to cry. I don’t cry over the divorce anymore. That has passed, and I am in a good place now. I realize the tears are coming from the lingering grief of younger me, for the life and future she thought she would have with another person. It’s a grief that recognizes that the hope and faith that younger me had doesn’t exist in the same way anymore. Divorce changes these things.
It can take time to visualize the bigger picture and form a new way of seeing things. Before divorce, I kind of had an either/or mentality with marriage. You either committed to marriage and shunned divorce, or you decided divorce has more value than marriage does. This view has since been challenged and changed.
The only thing that is so black and white about marriage is the stereotypical attire of a black tuxedo and a white dress. Marriage- and divorce – live in the gray area. And even deeper in that gray area are more layers of colors, tints, hues, and shades that make so many situations and relationships different. Black and white only sits at the surface.
After having my good cry, I collect myself and start loading the boxes of donations in my vehicle. I immediately feel lighter, more peaceful. It’s the kind of peace one feels when the heart and mind align, and you know the timing is exactly right for this moment. Clearing that bin in the storage area means less hanging onto the past and more leaving space open for the future.
My new hope is that someone else gets to love this dress as much as I did. Maybe some people will decide to toss their dress, burn it, trash it. Maybe they decide to keep it for their own various reasons. Maybe reading this has made someone realize they have a dress stored somewhere that they completely forgot about until now.
If anyone has any tips or other unique ideas of what to do with an old wedding dress, please share!
