Spread the Love…When You’ve Got Nothing More To Give

I announced to my fellow ICMB contributors that I would be writing my “Spread the Love” post on loving the mundane, the boring, the simple everyday things that often get ignored in favor of the more awesome. That was several weeks ago.

If you scroll back a few months in my phone pictures, you’ll see thousands of pictures of smiley faces, splashing water and suntanned skin, busyness and activity, and fun and joy.

Then February hit.

I just couldn’t do it. I tried to write it. I did. But right now? I can’t stand the everyday drudgery. After weeks upon months of cold, frigid, cooped-up-inside boring, I’ve had just about enough of the mundane. I’m tired of wiping noses, changing diapers, unloading the dishwasher, and sweeping up crumbs. I’m having a really hard time conjuring up love for the everyday tasks. I want something NEW. I need to get out and do something EXCITING. I long for the day when we can just throw open the windows and let the breeze blow some FRESH AIR into this stale house!

Lately I feel like I’ve fallen into a dark pit. It’s a black hole of nothing. I don’t have energy or motivation. My mind feels foggy and my heart feels tired. I don’t have a lot of love to share right now.

Do you know what kind of pictures are on my phone right now, from February? A stump. With snow on it. And a chocolate cake. And my kid, screaming his head off because he’s been sick for two months straight. See?

You might be in a pit too. Maybe you’re battling seasonal depression, like me and the vast majority of us insane northerners. Maybe you’ve lost someone you love. Maybe you’re facing grief, or loss, or sickness, or fear, or shame. You probably are. This life isn’t easy. And I kind of hope you are. Because THAT is what helps me know that I’m not alone. Do you know what’s the worst part about being in the pit? Believing that everyone else is up there frolicking on solid ground, and you’re the only loser sitting in the dirt with tearstains on her cheeks.

Oh, you’re in a dark pit too? It sucks, doesn’t it? Awesome, let’s go get coffee. You don’t have to pretend those aren’t tears in your eyes, and I don’t have to make my face muscles fake a more pleasant expression, and maybe we can just be together. I’m right here with ya, mama. Two nutty caramel lattes with whip and an extra shot of calories on me, sister.

We’re all a little tired, worn out, and hurting. And right now, that’s the love I have to share.

The yep, me too kind of love.

The I totally get it, and I’m sorry kind of love.

The thank you for not asking me to be fake kind of love.

The you aren’t alone kind of love.

Spring is coming. It is. This season will pass, the fog will lift, and we’ll drag ourselves out of the pit eventually. Just make sure to turn around and offer a hand to the person who’s making her way out behind you.