Is this Normal? I Miscarried and Didn’t Care

One in four women will experience miscarriage or stillbirth in her lifetime.

It’s a staggering statistic, and chances are good either you yourself have experienced one or you know someone personally who has.

You’ve probably read a blog post or two detailing someone’s experience with miscarriage. Or maybe you’ve avoided reading those posts because reading them is just too difficult for you right now.

Is this Normal? I Miscarried and Didn't Care

I’ve read my fair share of miscarriage stories or listened to friends pour their hearts out after living through one. While each and every one of those stories and experiences are unique, there always seems to be a common theme: the woman who went through it describes a devastating, heartbreaking, and painful experience filled with tears, fears, and feelings of immense loss.

In September 2014, I became one of those statistics when I experienced my own miscarriage at about 7 weeks. Sometime later, I learned that two friends had also miscarried right around the same time I did. While I listened to them tell their stories, I felt SYMPATHY for them, but even though I had experienced my own miscarriage at the same time they had, I found I couldn’t really EMPATHIZE with them. As they told me about their devastation, pain, and fear, I wondered if there was something wrong with me.

I miscarried just like they had, but I didn’t feel devastation, pain, or fear. I didn’t even cry. Not a single tear.

Instead, I just felt indifference. In fact, I often forget that it even happened.

While I don’t mind talking about my own experience, I find it difficult to talk about miscarriage with other women who have also been through one (or multiple). As I listen to them tell their story, I usually end up feeling guilty that they did, and still do, struggle dealing with it. So I rarely share my story with them. I mean, who doesn’t feel even the tiniest bit of sadness when they realize a pregnancy/baby they wanted and tried for is no longer going to happen? That’s not normal, right?


One thing I’ve learned during my 30+ years on this Earth, is that feelings and emotions aren’t wrong.

We can’t always control how we respond emotionally to unexpected situations, but no matter how we feel, it’s definitely never WRONG.

If you’re like me and have experienced a miscarriage and felt indifferent about it and didn’t shed a tear, I want you to know:

You are not alone.

There isn’t anything wrong with you or your reaction.

You are normal.



Becky is a Minnesota Native and Wisconsin Badger fan living in the heart of Hawkeye Country. Since graduating from high school, she has lived in Duluth, MN; Birmingham, UK; Minneapolis, MN; Louisville, KY; and Madison, WI, but is now happy to call Iowa City home. She and her husband have been married for ten years and have a spirited four-year-old daughter and a mischievous baby boy. Becky juggles working from home and keeping two kids happy each and every day. In her free time, she enjoys working her side business, spending time with friends, relaxing with a good book, and eating snacks.


  1. So this. I could have written that myself! I have friends who had miscarriages and they still now years later struggle. I often have them tell me things like its their angel babys would be birthday or read their posts on facebook about miscarriage and loss and find myself thinking awww i guess that must really suck to loose a baby. Then remember, oh yeah, i had a miscarriage too once didnt i! Ive never been sad or felt loss or heartache over it and often forget it happened.

  2. Thank you! My ob withheld information about my miscarriage for a week because she didn’t want to tell me before the holiday. I was honestly so annoyed because she thought I couldn’t handle the information. I was also worried about my reproductive health and ectopic pregnancy so the waiting game for results was hard. Honestly it happens. I sympathize with others who hurt but it’s so common. Anything before 10 weeks for me and I’m indifferent.


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