Every mother battles with comparison. Do you ever look at other moms and think, how in the world do they do all that?
For example, there’s the woman who has a perfect body one month after giving birth. There’s the single mom who has four kids all under the age of seven. There’s the mom who manages a full time career and solely breastfeeds her newborn.
I see these women as a sort of Supermom. What they do is impressive! Unfortunately, it can also bring up those discouraging thoughts of “am I doing enough?”.
After having my daughter, I was overwhelmed. While struggling to adjust to a completely new routine with new priorities, being otherwise productive seemed difficult at best. It seemed like every time I tried to do anything for myself, my daughter knew it was time to “lose it.”
So what happened to my previous life-where I was confident, self-assured, and on top of everything? I feel it there, lurking in the background of mommy life, mocking me.
With so much new responsibility, it seemed impossible to keep up with the rest of my life. I had to learn how to manage my time all over again. Whether that was using an hour of nap time to do 20 things, or multitasking all day long. I had to put certain things on the back burner. In order to figure out what will work, I had to go through a trial and error process.
I see moms all the time who seem to be A+ parents and are still able to lead an otherwise fulfilling life. They crush their personal goals and succeed in their careers. They keep up their fitness and keep a clean home. All the while, their kids are perfect, well-behaved angels. That’s amazing to me, albeit intimidating.
Why does this seem so far fetched and unachievable? What is their secret? How do you become a mom that “does it all”?
The truth is, there’s no secret. Being a mother is hard. We all lead different lives. Our personal struggles, levels of support, and financial situations vary. So what works for one woman, won’t work for another. One woman’s “lazy” is another woman’s “Supermom”!
It’s often said that you shouldn’t judge yourself based upon someone else’s highlight reel. What is seen from the outside often isn’t the reality. Every mom struggles. We learn as we go and we do what we can. Nobody is perfect, even if they seem like they are. In our individual lives, there is always room for improvement, but never room for comparison.
Finding balance between motherhood and self is a journey. We can’t be expected to have it all figured out. When I feel overwhelmed now, I evaluate my priorities. I know my time is devoted to my daughter first and foremost; if everything else has to wait, so be it. That’s a pretty great thing to focus on, if you ask me.
I am my own Supermom, and I know I’m hers, too.
Jennifer Kahler, “Jay,” is one of our pediatric nurses at Mercy Pediatric Clinic; she works as Dr. Tori Smith’s nurse.
Jay has been part of our team for two-and-a-half years now, but has been a pediatric nurse for ten years. Jay is newly married and has three adult children and one granddaughter. She enjoys baking cakes, spoiling her granddaughter, and riding Harley Davidson Motorcycles with her husband.
This article was written by Jay’s daughter Heather, who has struggled with depression and anxiety in the past. Becoming a mother can be challenging, but motherhood has strengthened Heather in every way. Jay and Heather have a very close relationship; Jay is very proud of Heather and all that she has accomplished, and thought her story might inspire other new mothers.
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