It Was All Meant To Be

In my last post, I told you all how I applied to two agencies and joined an online surrogate classified site, this helped me decide in the direction of my surrogate plan.  Just like anything else in life, you make a plan but things hardly end up how you dreamed.  My first initial thoughts when I was making my surrogacy plan was that I was not interested in having this be an international adventure & I really wanted to help a same-sex couple. ( I know there are many people who are not comfortable, or do not believe in same sex marriage, but  that is not the topic of my post, so I don’t really want to have a discussion on the subject.)

There are so many other factors you have to think about when you’re working on finding an intended family.  It was important for me to find a family that I share similar beliefs with.   It was important to find a family that was looking for  a gestational surrogate & NOT a traditional surrogate.  And it was important for me to find a family that wanted to build a relationship with me throughout this process. I mean we might as well, right?  They are going to get to know the most intimate details of my body.

Within 24 hours of posting my classified ad, I had an inbox full of inquires.  It was slightly overwhelming, but I took my time and read each email.  From the information given, I had an idea off the bat who I liked, and who I didn’t, or better yet who I can see my personality being accepted by or with whom I could see conflict.  One of the families who reached out to me sent me a heartfelt email and I honestly fell in love with them after their first paragraph.  They were a traditional family from Minneapolis who already had a son.  They had their first son without a surrogate, but unfortunately because of delivery complications it left her unable to bear children.  I spoke with her on the phone for hours on a Tuesday night, and I could tell how wonderful of a mother she was.  After we learned a little bit about each other, we found that we have a very similar belief system and grew up very  much alike.  Throughout our conversation, we spoke about many things. She explained to me their contract, and what I could expect.  When you become a surrogate, you should never have to pay for any expense that is surrogacy related, and with them being a “normal” family, with “normal” jobs & being considered “middle class”, I would have had to assist them with some expenses.  I am a single mom, and I am in no shape to take on another financial burden. My student loans have me maxed out, and not to mention I have a 4 year old who thinks she needs a new Barbie every week.  Because of this, I was unable to become a part of their story.  It was hard for me to have to tell them that I wouldn’t be able to help them, due to my own financial situation.

This left me feeling blue.  I immediately turned to my mentor, and she said exactly what I needed to hear:  “Jacqueline, you can’t save the world.  You can’t help everyone.  As much as that family deserves a baby, you cannot put yourself into a situation where it could cause more bad than good in your life”…

A few days later, I got a call from one of the agencies I applied to, and had a phone interview.  It went really well, and I was accepted right away.  The case worker emailed me about 10 files of families who would be a “match”.  When I opened my email and saw all of the emails from her, my heart started to race.  I started to feel hot and my armpits started to sweat.  I immediately felt like I needed to poop.  My nerves were at an all time HIGH!  Why?  I didn’t feel this way when I had received emails from the classified website.  I shut my computer down and cried.  It was so difficult to be the one who picks a family to have a baby.  Who am I to be the one to decide who is more likely to be a better parent?  Or who is most deserving?  I’m not.  This gave me a slight panic attack.  I have a hard enough time going to a pet store and picking out a puppy.  I feel guilt for leaving behind all of the other animals.  I am such an emotional mess sometimes.  I really didn’t think it would have been that hard for me.  Needless to say, I looked through all of the portfolios and I didn’t fall in love with any of the families.  Why?  I’m not sure…  Perhaps that I knew the perfect family was waiting for me.  The funny thing was that I had no idea, but somehow the universe worked its magic and made it all work out.

The day I had been accepted with the agency, I posted a Facebook status that read “exciting new ventures…”  I wanted it to be vague because I wasn’t ready to shout my plans to the world.  That night a woman, whom I’ve known for years and lives in Colorado, commented on my status “hey, some of us in other states want to know what you’re up to…”  She was thinking I was going to buy a house, or a car or SOMETHING.  I private messaged her and said “this isn’t public yet, but i’m taking the steps to become a surrogate…”  That message changed our lives.  Little did I know that she and her husband have struggled to have children and they were starting the process to find a surrogate of their own.  Crazy right?!  She and I chatted for hours that night and we decided as a team that I would be their surrogate.  That night really proved to me that we were all meant to meet some how.  I am so honored to be a part of their baby plan.  We started speaking every day and taking the steps.  Since we are doing this privately, it’s taking a bit longer than if I had gone with an agency.  I am okay with that, because this is going to be such an amazing experience, and we will get to be with each other every step of the way. 

jacqui baby feet
Photo from Microsoft Images



Jacqueline Graham is a single mom of a sassy four year old daughter, Danity, a full time Studio Director at a busy salon in Davenport & everybody's friend. Jacqueline grew up in Davenport, continued her education at Kirkwood Community College, & then ventured off to the Windy City. During her pregnancy with Danity, she decided to leave her event filled life in Chicago & raise her daughter in simplistic Iowa... But as you will find out her life is anything but simple. While trying to balance her career, her daughter & her passions, she is embarking on one of the most important journeys of her life. She is opening up to the world and sharing her step by step adventure in to becoming a Gestational Surrogate.


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