There are moments in life that require patience. Things like standing in a long line at a store during the holiday season or keeping your child entertained while at a very busy drive-thru require you to stay composed. Then there are times where no amount of patience seems to be enough. Waiting for the arrival of a loved one that you haven’t seen in a very long time or counting down the days until a special event you have been waiting years to attend can make you antsy with anticipation of when that time will finally come.
Anticipation never feels deeper than when you are waiting for something life-changing. You know that things will never be the way they were before. Waiting for something that will create a new normal for you requires the most patience one can have.
For me, waiting to be chosen by a birth mom while trying to adopt required me to give up control and dig deep for faith and patience that I didn’t even know I had.
The true definition of waiting is to be still–as still as one can be. In no way, shape, or form can you be still when waiting to be chosen by a birth mom. Every day you wake up thinking that maybe today will be the day. Then every night when that doesn’t happen, you pray for grace to get yourself through. It can be excruciating and can break your spirit if you’re not careful. You have to find ways to pass the time in order to keep moving forward. You need the endurance to possibly wait not just weeks or months, but more often than not, years.
During the wait, finding things to occupy your time is the healthiest and most productive thing to do. I did that, and while it didn’t make the wait any easier, it did help me keep faith and learn what the true meaning of humility is.
Here is a list of things that could be helpful for you while passing the time. When you lose your bearings and think you can no longer endure the wait, take a moment and do one of these things. Think of that time as a gift to yourself. You deserve at least that much!
Ways to Pass the Time While Waiting to Adopt:
- Keep a journal and write about your feelings and experiences while you wait. Dedicate it to the little one that someday will bless your family.
- Read books for enjoyment, since once that baby is in your arms, you won’t have much time for that. Take advantage of being able to browse the bookstore all by yourself while you still can!
- Take a trip with your spouse or significant other to a place where you might never go once you have kids. Think tropical beach with umbrella drinks in hand for some guaranteed relaxation and renewed patience.
- Date your spouse or significant other like you did when you first met. Go places you went together during that time, and take a walk down memory lane. Renew your love for each other, and remember how love is what brought you on your adoption journey in the first place.
- Volunteer somewhere where you can use your talents to help others. Focusing on something else and giving your time to a charity or organization can take the focus off of you and your own life. It can also be very rewarding.
- Read up on adoption and what you have to look forward to post-adoption as well. There are many blogs and books out there that will help educate you on all that you will face. Learning about adoption ahead of time can give you more confidence for the day that you get that long-awaited phone call from your social worker or agency.
- Find an adoption support group and join. Being able to discuss all that waiting entails with others who are also waiting is therapeutic. You will be able to talk with others that really get what you are going through, which helps you feel like you are not alone on your journey. Plus, you might make a friend out of it and have someone new to hang with during this time.
- Don’t be shy with your family and close friends about your adoption journey. Keeping things to yourself or putting on a brave face is not going to increase your patience. That will only create pent-up feelings, which puts more stress on you. Educate your friends and family during the wait about the process you’ve already gone through up to this point. Help them understand what an emotional journey you are on. Having a solid support system that really understands what you are going through is crucial during this time.
Whether you have been waiting months or years, don’t lose faith.
I know that’s easy for me to say, since our wait ended almost six years ago when we were chosen by a wonderful birth mother and blessed with our daughter. I say that because nothing is worth the wait more than the day that you finally hold the little baby in your arms that will call you mommy. Keep that moment in your heart until it becomes real, and know that it will, in fact, happen.
Don’t give up, because the little baby out there that is waiting for you won’t give up either.