Soon, I will have four kids ages almost five and under. Considering we are ending with a surprise 4th (from twins!) and the fact that I have progressively more complicated pregnancies, this seems like a wonderful stopping point for our family (and my sanity). Still, I wonder if even when I know logically that we are done with pregnancies and babies, I will become nostalgic and hormonal and wish for another one.
I already am getting sentimental about the “lasts” with pregnancy, so I’m writing this at 28-31 weeks with twins to refer back to if I feel this impulse and conveniently forget any and all downsides to pregnancy.
Think you want to be pregnant again? Remember all this:
Last night you got up no fewer than six times to use the restroom or walk around from various body parts falling asleep.
You also snored and woke yourself up with a snort–while wearing a nose-strip.
Your calves are still sore from the two charley horses that woke you up in the last few days.
While leaning over to say prayers with your daughter, you recently had to run to the restroom because of acid reflux.
Acid reflux also wakes you up from drinking water throughout the night (despite being on acid reflux medicine)…but you have to drink water because of dry mouth.
Wearing compression socks would help with your feet swelling, if only you could get them on and off.
Your hips and back kill you.
You run out of breath from as little as thinking about a staircase.
People make comments about how soon your due date must be. You try to not let it bother you–just like the rising number on the scale–but it does.
Pregnancy is not kind to your gums and teeth, and you have to floss twice daily (on most days) while juggling a toddler tearing apart your bathroom.
You literally can’t keep up with said toddler as she darts away from you in public places, often times egged on by the 4-year-old.
You can’t pick up the 4-year-old, and picking up the 21-month-old is not easy.
Also, can we talk about the first trimester? That was awful.
Never forget how you felt like a failure of a mother, spouse, and all around human being, but also felt too sick to care about that too much. Taking a bite of food seemed like a monumental accomplishment, as did feeding the kids.
One day, you threw clementines, carrots, and cheddar cheese on their plates, realized it was all very orange and very random and still called it lunch. You trained the 4-year-old to bring you crackers or a granola bar before you could get out of bed. You had to tell her you were pregnant earlier than you wanted because she was concerned about your health and how you seemed to have no regard for being in public while “contagious.” How could you do this again??
Aside from burning the midnight oil typing this while jittery from steroid shots (don’t forget how painful those are! And how stressful it is to need them this early!), you struggle to feel like you have enough energy to keep up with the two wonderful girls you already have and worry about how you’ll be spread even thinner once the twins arrive.
Your pregnancies tend to have conditions that fall into the 1-2% categories. You try to stay positive, but the stress is always there and makes it hard to enjoy pregnancy in the moment (thus making it easier to look back with more joy once the happy ending is secured).
“There’s so much fear” sung in Queen Elsa’s voice replays in your head involuntarily but really does sum up how you feel.
So, if you think about getting pregnant again, acknowledge that these will always be some of the most special moments of your life (baby B just kicked!) and your babies were absolutely worth every prick, scare, and wave of morning sickness. But also don’t forget the anxiety, pain, and utter fatigue.
Remember how hard the journey to get pregnant can be, how devastating miscarriage is, and how you have to open yourself up to these possibilities each time you decide to expand your family.
Look to your friends happily out of the diaper phase, as they exercise, drink wine and coffee, and travel without worrying how it’s affecting a tiny human. Look at them finding their way back to their passions, or discovering new ones. Look at their marriages evolving and strengthening as they transition out of survival mode.
And mostly, look at the beautiful family you’ve created, be present, and be thankful.
Well said, as always!